If only we could choose who we love

There are so many situations in which I wished I could of had feelings for someone when I just didn't.   The guys that have been interested in me in the last couple of years have generally been really nice, genuine people.  If only I could have been attracted to them.....

Instead I've been in love with the same person for the last three years, who many times has not been nice or genuine to me.  Why?  As far as I know this person has no interest in dating me.  There was a time when I thought there was possibility, but that is long gone.  Everyone once in awhile there are glimpses of something between us, and those ultimately serve as my downfall.    I think that he is attracted to me, and clearly likes me as a person, but for whatever reason, doesn't want to date me.  You would think that after 3 years of this, I would be able to move on, but I think that in order to truly do that, I would need to shut him out of my life completely and I just can't bear the thought of that.  I talk to him/see him pretty much everyday, so it would be a dramatic change.  How can I be so attached to someone who doesn't always treat me with the respect I deep down know I deserve?? 

I think a big part of it is I don't believe that i'll ever meet someone like him again.  Despite the bad, there are also a lot of positive and wonderful things about him.  He can be so ridiculous and fun, and can always make me laugh.  He's the one person that can just make me forget about how stressed I am over grad school.  He will take care of me when I really need him.  Even though he doesn't believe it, he's incredibly intelligent, and knows a little bit about everything.  And lastly, I'm just so attracted to him.   All these things make it so hard to think of letting him go.

He doesn't make it easy for me to to try to move on.  He's constantly in my business and constantly invading my personal space.  When we are out with groups, the waiter/waitress commonly give him a check with both of our items on it.   We do things that couples do together like going house hunting, going to the grocery store, and sitting in bed watching a movie.   He emails me on average about 10-15 times during the day.  Its just weird.  I don't think he even gets how weird it is.  

Really, he's kind of like an addiction.  Spending time with him gives me a high, but then sometimes right after we have a really good day, when I am finally alone, I just fall apart and start sobbing uncontrollably.  And still, even though the result is not pretty, I still keep going back for more.    

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Comments (5)

  1. sandracek

    Hey if it’s any consolation, it’s been a year today since me and my ex (I just recently started calling him that) broke up. We dated for about a year, we knew each other for four, best friends for two. I still do my “research” (stalking) online, I still look around and ask around to see how he is doing. I can’t really say the same for him not that I really know.. but I found a picture of him yesterday and I try not to care I put it all away in the back of my mind but as soon as I saw it I was confused and completely broke down. I live five hours away from him and I am refusing to let go. He took me around all the obstacles you can imagine- but I still want him in my life, I want more maybe not a relationship but he’s my best friend. You know when you get that close to someone where you can understand each others thoughts and feelings without asking or even guessing, you just know.. when you get so close to someone that every part of your body, mind and soul fits perfectly with theirs until you mesh so perfectly your whole being can’t let go, it’s hard on you, mentally, emotionally, physically. Everyone keeps telling me to forget him he’s crap to me and such but all I see is this knight in shining armor I once knew. I am slowly dismantling it and lowering him to where and who he is now, but it’s hard and practically impossible. If you ever need to talk direct message me!

    April 06, 2014
  2. honestycounts

    Ah,have someone totally compatible with you???? Now what fun would that be anyway? lol

    July 27, 2015
  3. vinca

    love someone is happiness thing in the world but we can’t expect too much to them if they don’t have feeling with us

    December 01, 2015
  4. wwboyd

    the only person that gets to choose is the one waiting to get asked

    December 02, 2015
  5. jaxonmuskett

    The love quotes always impresses me a lot. I have a strong believe in love too. I love the college essay help services, because it always assists me. Having a lover in our lives is the incredible feelings and they cannot match with the anything else.

    August 13, 2016